Goodbye My Dear Friend

Today I said goodbye to one of my dearest friends, forever.  Yep, after 14 years it was time to part ways in a way I never thought possible.  Human emotions can be raw at times and like some of us, we wear our emotions on our sleeves which are so very vulnerable.  My emotions for the human spirit are raw and vulnerable but for material things, I have NEVER held any real emotions, until today.  You see, I used to see my friend every couple of months which was okay but never a priority.  Then one day, about 2 years ago, I saw my friend and I made a vow to myself, I wasn’t going to wait for months or weeks to see my friend.  So the vow was to see my friend at a minimum of a couple times a week.  When I made this vow, my friend was there for me 100% of the time and was always available, sharp, and never failed me.

Fourteen years ago, my 14 year old son introduced me to this friend.  It’s been a long relationship and after so many years, after today, the relationship has ended.  It actually tore at my emotions more than I could ever imagine.  In a million years would I have ever imagined this relationship would mean so much.  Life sure throws some wicked curve balls at us from time to time.

It was April 2003 and my 37th birthday.  My 14 year old son had been set on buying me a Case xx blue bone knife that he knew I had been looking at for quite some time.  On my 37th birthday, my son gave me my birthday gift and to my surprise, it was that Case xx blue bone knife.  It was my pride and joy.  I cherished this gift more than anything because even though my son did not have enough money (so I thought) to buy this knife for me, here he was giving it to me.  What I didn’t know was that he had been saving his money for quite some time just to buy me this particular knife.  He was so proud to be able to get this for his dad.  When he gave it to me, he was beaming with joy, and a look I will never forget.

You see, for 14 years I carried that knife around with me and every time I used it, it reminded me of him.  And two years ago, I made the decision to carry it with me almost every day.  I wanted something that would make me think of him all the time and that little keepsake was the ticket.  I remember how much it meant to him to be able to save up and get me that knife and I never wanted to diminish how much it meant to him.  But today, I failed him.  It could have been so avoidable and such a foolish mistake.

I was running a bit late for my flight and as I stood in line at security emptying my pockets, I heard the TSA agent say, “you won’t be able to take that on the flight.”  My heart sunk to the floor.  There it laid in the grey tub just waiting to be picked up by me but I could do nothing.  I asked what my options were and he said, you can go out to the lobby and mail it but I didn’t have time or I would have missed my flight.  What was I supposed to do?  So I had no other option but to relinquish my trusted friend and lose what we had for so many years.  It was one of the worst feelings ever.  NEVER in my lifetime had I ever been so tied to a material object than this little pocket knife.

Today I say to my son, I am so sorry.  I hope you don’t think I didn’t cherish that gift you worked so hard to get me.  I just want you to know how much that little knife meant to me for so many years.  It was only materialistic, but it meant the world to me.  It was tied to you and it meant so much.  However, even though the little blue bone is forever gone, you will forever live etched in my heart and your emotion will always live on my sleeve.  I love you!

Dad~